Deer Funny

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fishin coyote
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2008/01/20 11:59:04 (permalink)

Deer Funny

Got this in my E-mail, thought I'd share
Mike
Thought you might get a kick out of this.
... Names have been removed to protect the stupid!

Actual Letter from someone who farms in Kansas.



    I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall,
feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The
first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since
they congregated at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear
of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and
sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4
feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and
toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and
transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The
cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were
not having any of it. After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up --
3 of them.

I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder,
and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me.

I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a
good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell
it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation.

I took a step towards it... it took a step away. I put a little tension on
the rope and received an education.

The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there
looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when
you start pulling on that rope. That deer EXPLODED.

The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT
stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I
could fight down with a rope with some dignity. A deer, no chance.

That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling
it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and
started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a
deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I originally imagined.

The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many animals.

A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me
off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes
to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing
out of the big gash in my head.

At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to
get that devil creature off the end of that rope. I figured if I just let
it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and
painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and
that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess
that the feeling was mutual.

Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had
cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various
large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think
clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared
some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in, so I
didn't want the deer to have it suffer a slow death, so I managed to get
it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had
set before hand... kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there
and started moving up so I could get my rope back.

Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would
have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when
I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of
my wrist.

Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they
just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head --
almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and
draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was
ineffective. It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several
minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a
deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now) tricked it.

While I kept it busy tearing the bejesus out of my right arm, I reached up
with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.

That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day. Deer
will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back
feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are
surprisingly sharp.

I learned a long time ago that, when an animal -- like a horse -- ;
strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best
thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move
towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you
can escape.

This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would
not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy.

I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run.

The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse
that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in
the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all,
besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I
turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me
down.

Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately
leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What
they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are
laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.

I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.




 
#1

7 Replies Related Threads

    steel city
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    RE: Deer Funny 2008/01/20 14:03:24 (permalink)
    THIS GOT TO BE A JOKE.!!!!
    #2
    Wally Cat
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    RE: Deer Funny 2008/01/24 08:39:14 (permalink)
    Read that same story several months ago online. Entertaining!

    Enjoy Life, Be Happy, Go Fish - Often!

    "God has blessed America - may He continue to do so, even though we are not worthy of it".
    Author..... Wally Cat
    #3
    blacknosedace
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    RE: Deer Funny 2008/01/24 12:47:52 (permalink)
    THAT STORY IS CLASSIC!! LOL... THAT IS KINDOF LIKE THE STORIES PEOPLE TELL ABOUT JUMPING OUT OF A TREESTAND AND TRYING TO STAB A DEER, ONLY TO STAB THEMSELVES. I HAD A BUDDY OF MINE STOP ON A HIGHWAY WHERE A DEER GOT HIT. HE GOT OUT AND WAS TRYING TO GET IT OFF THE ROAD. HE WALKED TOWARDS IT, SCREAMED AT IT, AND NOTHING WORKED.. SO I ASKED HIM WHAT HE WAS GOING TO DO NOW.. HE SAYS I AM GOING TO GRAB IT AROUND ITS NECK AND DRAG IT OFF THE ROAD... I LOOK AT HIM AND SAID HAVE AT ER BUDDY, AS I OPENED THE DOOR OF MY JEEP AND GOT IT TO WATCH... THIS DEER HAD A BROKEN LEG, AND IT JUST KICKED THE **** OUT OF HIM... I SAT IN MY JEEP AND LAUGHED MY BAG OFF..
    #4
    Maga2120
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    RE: Deer Funny 2008/01/24 23:28:29 (permalink)
    funny stuff right there
    #5
    Carpet Bagger
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    RE: Deer Funny 2008/01/25 11:56:24 (permalink)
    i laughed uncontrollably...lol

    CB
    I never thought I'd say this, but I love my Sport-Craft!
    #6
    DanesDad
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    RE: Deer Funny 2008/01/25 23:47:14 (permalink)
    Note to self:  Do not attempt to lasso a deer.
    #7
    bingsbaits
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    RE: Deer Funny 2008/01/26 15:13:14 (permalink)
    .

    "There is a pleasure in Angling that no one knows but the Angler himself". WB
     
     


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