Truly a "crappy experience"

Truly a "crappy experience"

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Truly a "crappy experience" - 11/29/2007 6:32:06 PM

anadromous

Posts: 2879
Joined: 11/16/2006
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MY story.
ON our way to Erie we usually pass the time by bullshitting and the usual past-times while a few grown men ride in a car...You know blowing burps silently at one another or worse allowing an S.B.D to slip out in order to gag unsuspecting riders at which time we giggle like church girls and try not to gag on our own gas...On one particular trip I was getting bombed in the car by my "buddies" but could not work up a fart hot enough to gas them out, being competitive, this disturbed me, so I was waiting for a later opportunity to get back at my assailants. We pulled off the road at the Convent on 7 mile creek to look at conditions. I was in a pair of blue jeans and chuck taylors sneakers with no socks because my wading clothes were in my bags. I scampered out in front of my Pals in order to "crop dust" them and well,I went a step better. An innocent passing of gas turned into a "Shart"...okay...more like I **** myself but I am trying to come to terms with that. I had no socks in which to use as clean-up, no underwear due to free balling,and I was not about to cut up a Simms wading shirt and worse I had $63.00 in my pocket, three twenties and three one dollar bills....I used the three ones for toilet paper and headed for the suburban where my handy steelhead slime towel would help out. As I waddled to the vehicle there were two guys behind me that were parked across from us in a green Dakota. I hunkered down behind the Suburban and squatted down with my pants down around my ankles and "steelhead slime towel" in between my legs doing some handy work...My buddy who was driving floored the Suburban leaving me there along the road exposed and feeling real small. As I was sliding and gliding like a basketball player toward the Suburban, I began "sharting" again due to the strain and the two guys in the Dakota laughed their asses off. I finally got into the Suburban after a few cell phone photos were snapped for blackmail purposes I assume. Once in the Suburban the smell became prevalant and my buddy in the front passanger side began laughing and gagging at the same time which cause me to gag and Yep...you guessed it...I "sharted" okay **** myself yet again!!! Now I am feeling defeated and lonely, demoralized and I still gotta **** so bad I am about to explode!! We get to the Restaurant on 16mile and I bail out of the vehicle with my bag and head for the John. As I slam the back hatch I see the two guys in the Dakota pulling into the same lot, and they were even pointing at me like "hey theres the guy who **** himself"!!! I got to crapper and sure enough there is no lock on the door, and to make matters worse (if possible)there is someone on the only thrown in the castle. Now...do you know what its like when you have to take a leak or **** then it only gets worse the closer you get to the outhouse??? Imagine now, where I am, my condition and my state of mind. I was not a thumb sucker, I was potty trained early and never really even peed the bed, now I am faced with a real dilema...just at the break point the old guy in the crapper was through and I nearly ran him over getting into the stall...a small quake may have rocked the house, the dirty smelly tremors were over...a calm came upon me until the unlocked restroom door came open and 4 boots approached the stand up urinals in front of my place of solace. One of the guys remarked" WOW! smells like someone **** themselves!!!'' and then they broke into laughter., then the other guy blurted out that two guys in the suburban said to tell "****ty pants to get out here cause daylight was wasting". It turned out to be the two guys in the Dakota that came into the restroom.As I sat there in total and complete embarrassment they offered me consolation like" hey, it can happen to anybody" but for some reason it did help ease the pain. I had it coming...I went to crop dust my buddies and fertilized the fields instead and as a result I spent the weekend in as pair of pajama bottoms....I threw the blue jeans in the garbage. To the Nuns at the Convent I am sorry for the "dirty Dead Presidents" I left behind the little shed, but it was the best three bucks I ever spent and it truly was a ****ty experience.

Post #: 1

RE: Truly a "crappy experience" - 11/29/2007 7:04:17 PM

mikeg

Posts: 2548
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Erie, PA
Status: offline

Great story, but I had to move it.

I have to admit....I had a similiar situation.lol

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RE: Truly a "crappy experience" - 11/29/2007 7:08:57 PM

mak7464

Posts: 508
Joined: 9/28/2005
From: Pennsyl-tucky
Status: offline

Dude,

You should have let this one as "The greatest story NEVER told" Really, TMI....

I did laugh though.

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gospel of envy. Its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill

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RE: Truly a "crappy experience" - 11/29/2007 7:14:25 PM

steelydaze

Posts: 378
Status: offline

When the old witch starts a'brewin, it's like a race with the devil.

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RE: Truly a "crappy experience" - 11/29/2007 7:15:06 PM

Porktown

Posts: 3522
Joined: 9/4/2001
Status: offline

Maybe the best story ever told on this site!!!

anadromous = Mudler minnow

< Message edited by Porktown -- 11/30/2007 10:40:03 AM >

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Post #: 5

RE: Truly a "crappy experience" - 11/29/2007 8:49:59 PM

Loopy

Posts: 1437
Joined: 11/29/2003
From: Girard, Pa.
Status: offline

Wow!! Anadromous, so you're the guy the Freeport won't let back in the building, let alone the crapper.

Great story.

It reminds me of the time a buddy and I took an early December trip to fish Caldwell Creek in the delayed harvest. Well, we're there for about an hour or so, and he gives me that sour puss look like something's not right. He asks if I have the napkins in my vest. I reply no, of course. The first order of business on our fishing trips is to stop at Country Fair for water, snacks, whatever else and to load up on napkins. You never know. Right. So anyways, he takes a little walk to look for some privacy as I continue to fish. Twenty minutes later he finds me on the stream and the look on his face is even worse. Of course I say, "What's the matter now?" He's like, "Never mind." I reply, "Seriously, what's up?" Here was the story I got. "My stomach wasn't feeling to good from last night's dinner and barrage of Beam and Cokes. So, of course, I needed the napkins that were forgotten. Anyway, I'm doing the high step trot because I'm starting to prairie dog. I find the perfect section of logs to squat on. In fact there were three branches that criss-crossed each other that made a make shift triangle shaped toilet. I peel off my neoprenes and my one piece long johns. I'm practically naked in 30 degree weather with snow on the ground. I place myself upon the branches and begin to do my business. Within about two minutes two of the branches snap, and I do a "butt plant" right into my own mess. At that point I'm pretty well finished anyway. The only thing to wipe up with is my LJ's. I tear them into a few pieces, clean up, and then bury the evidence. I slide my neoprenes back on and prepare to deal with hopefully a very short morning of fishing." I was on the ground howling at his predicament. I told him to go and catch a few trout and that those neoprenes weren't coming off in the truck. In fact to this day the place on the stream where he found me after the episode has since been dubbed the ****hole.

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RE: Truly a "crappy experience" - 11/29/2007 9:09:07 PM

tippy-toe

Posts: 4376
Joined: 11/21/2005
From: under a rock
Status: offline

Were did you sau you left that money????

lEt Me no

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RE: Truly a "crappy experience" - 11/29/2007 9:15:33 PM

Stillhead

Posts: 1834
Joined: 12/19/2003
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tippy-toe

Were did you sau you left that money????

lEt Me no

LMAO,

naw thAtz funnie wriTe tHaRe

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Post #: 8

RE: Truly a "crappy experience" - 11/30/2007 11:57:09 AM

thedrake

Posts: 1950
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

Heres a funny clip about the topic....
http://www.derrickcomedy.com/2007/08/21/jerry/

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Post #: 9

RE: Truly a "crappy experience" - 11/30/2007 12:50:53 PM

QuackerSmacker

Posts: 174
Joined: 8/10/2005
From: Connellsville
Status: offline

You guys arnt wright!

rotflmao

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Post #: 10

RE: Truly a "crappy experience" - 11/30/2007 2:40:50 PM

T.T.

Posts: 1690
Status: offline

Duud! When you invited me to join you guys in your quest for "browns", I had no idea.

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Post #: 11

RE: Truly a "crappy experience" - 11/30/2007 3:34:11 PM

eyeofhorus

Posts: 161
Joined: 3/20/2007
From: Waterford, Pa
Status: offline

Anadromous, Tears are streaming from my eyes, this is some funny stuff!
-Jay

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Post #: 12

RE: Truly a "crappy experience" - 12/2/2007 6:54:37 PM

mr.crappie

Posts: 1175
Joined: 9/5/2002
Status: online

When I first heard that story he was told to use a dollar so he did. unfortunatly he only had 4 quarters on him. sam

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Post #: 13

RE: Truly a "crappy experience" - 12/3/2007 7:37:59 AM

Mikastorm

Posts: 6859
Status: offline

Had a bad experience while deer hunting a few years back. It was a cold morning in the mountains and the night before was the usual card game ,hotsticks and beer. Made sure to have plenty of paper with me, invariably it seems that after the climb , I have to go. Took off my coat, dropped my bibs and pants. Sqauted and got er done. Pulled everything back on and continued to hunt. There was this crappie smell drifting up around me for awhile and thought I must have not done a good enough job of wiping. Could not stand it anymore and went through the whole prcess again. Only to find out that I had dumped a load in my bibs. What a ribbing I took from my buds, for years.

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Post #: 14

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